Letting go

I recently heard the story of the two monks and a woman. A well-known tale that I never heard but non the less found it full of simple wisdom. To clarify, the story goes something like this. Two monks (an older and a younger) were traveling through the woods when they came across a tumultuous river where a woman waiting to cross. She could not go it alone and she asked the monks for help, but the monks had taken a sacred vow to never touch women. In spite of this the older monk picks up the woman and carries her safely across the river.

The two monks continue traveling and a hour passes. The young monk is furious about the older monk’s behavior but remains silent. They continue on, the younger monk, still silent and still furious allows himself to reach a breaking point after three hours and expresses his shock and disappointment with the older monk stating, “Why did you carry that woman across the river knowing we took a vow as monks not to touch women?”

The older monk replied with, “I set her down hours ago. Why are you still carrying her?”

In choosing this story to discuss the idea of letting go I found myself reflecting back to a time I too struggled with self-expression, standing in my truth and dropping what no longer serves me. I see a lot of my unhealed self in relation to the younger monk. For instance, how could an elder, a parent or significant other not see the wrong in their actions and behaviors? Why am I the only one not okay with what just happened? How could they just go on acting as if what happened never happened? Can’t they see how upset, shocked and disturbed I am about what they did or didn’t do? How could they? How dare they? What were they thinking?

This dialogue could go on for hours like it did for the young monk but more often trauma survivors are prone to dragging things along for days, even weeks on end. I know. I did exactly that. But I became so good at it I could even recall and compare past traumas to current or last weeks trauma only serving me to perpetuate a trauma induced state. No threat needed, Just me and my thoughts going on trip down the rabbit hole. Maybe even taking things to the next level and searching for confirmation that the trauma I was experiencing was valid.

So where does one go from here? First let me say your trauma is valid. Second, there is no easy way out. In an effort to not sugar coat things my journey was one of ebb and flow. One step forward and two steps back. I will say though it was in the backwards steps that I experienced the most growth and healing. It asks of you to develop a different perspective. An opportunity to see or realize what you didn’t before. There is a potentiality to let go of things you thought you needed. It is necessary in order to move on. My process taught me the real healing happens in the most unexpected moments. It is where you can differentiate what is yours to work through and what can be released once and for all. I invite you to do the same for yourself. Try not to judge your journey by expecting things to look linear. Allow the process to unfold before you, remain open and remember you deserve to heal.